"Been up all night drinking to drown my sorrows down..."
Dirty Little Secret: Sarah Mclachlan, Afterglow
I don't know how to describe what Sarah captured in this song. It's just Sarah and a Piano, but the haunting voice through the air just pulls you into the song- where you can feel every emotion going through the artist's soul. You can feel the longing for healing and the pleading for release. She's an amazing artist.
The thing about this song is that I can Identify with nights of drowning my sorrows over a bottle of Crown Royal. I can identify with this where I would rely on my illusions that kept me warm and safe because reality was harder to bear.
I think we all create illusions of denial to be able to get from day to day. I relied on the reality that people believed in me or supported me- even loved me. Family... friends... co-workers... they've all stabbed me in the back in the worst possible ways. And when you find out the reality that differs greatly from what you "knew"... well, the sorrows need to be drowned out in one form or another.
I can't really listen to this song without tears in my eyes. I remember some very hard nights of journaling through some difficult pains- where I would just listen to this song over and over. I wish to never know such pain again as what I feel in this song- but I am smarter than that to sink into that illusion.
Lyrics:
If I had the chance love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all things I never said before
Dont tell me its too late
Cause I've relied on my illusion
to keep me warm at night
and Ive denied in my capacity to love
but I am willing to give up this fight
Been up all night drinking to drown my sorrows down
But nothing seems to help me since youve gone away
Im so tired of this town where every tongue is wagging
When every back is turned
Theyre telling secrets that should never be revealed
Theres nothing to be gained from this but disaster
Heres a good one
Did you hear about my friend
Hes embarrassed to be seen now
Cause we all know his sins
If I had the chance love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all things I never said before
Dont tell me its too late
Cause Ive relied on my illusion
to keep me warm at night
and Ive denied in my capacity to love
But I am willing to give up this fight
Oh I am willing to give up this fight
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