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User / John LeMaitre / The Dept. of Archaeology and Various Mysteries, 1926
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Another photo from my days teaching at Miskatonic University, this is a yearbook (The Cephalopod) photo of the Dept. of Archaeology and Various Mysteries from 1926, my third year working there (if you include my year abroad). For the most part we got along pretty well, partially because at any given time several professors would be out on one assignment or another.

The faculty consisted of:

Seated (L-R):
Dr. Kelvis Merkin (PhD, DDS) Dr. Merkin was a hard taskmaster (despite being a junior staff member), occasionally flailing his faculty for transgressions such as cold coffee, not pushing in chairs,... etc. His field of expertise was the study of Constructed Languages, which had limited application in archaeology. He probably got his position through politics, or perhaps his connection to the Infernal Regions. At some point during WWII, he descended into the Nether Regions, never to return - as far as we know....
Dr. Cain Nanable (PhD) Dr. Nanable primarily taught the Archaeology of Mesoamerican Civilizations. He was a firm believer that the Olmec and Maya came from New Jersey, by way of the Turnpike. Supposedly, they emigrated due to the stringent tax laws of the region. Known as an expert in self abuse, Nanable left his post in 1951, falling down the campus Escher Stairwell. As far as I know, he's still falling, and his descendants traditionally leave sandwiches out for him to grab as he passes, although he is now a well-battered corpse.
Dr. Sir Agnes Smedley (PhD, GWaR, NttAWwT) Department head Smedley no longer actually taught, as he ascended into the Bureaucracy. This meant that we rarely actually saw him, except in dreams - which made getting a grant exceedingly difficult. Sir Smedley went onto a government position, becoming the Undersecretary of Bullshit under Truman, but the job was eliminated by Eisenhower - who earned the eternal enmity of Smedley after that. He now hunts the soul of Eisenhower in the Afterlife.
Professor Buster Britches (Mres) As you can tell from the photo, Professor Britches was a clown. Bigotry being what it is (and really was, in the 1920's), Britches was the only clown on staff, and never got his PhD. His cultural habits also tended to get in the way of his potential promotion, with behaviors such as hitting Sir Smedley with seltzer, or launching pies at faculty members during meetings. Eventually tiring of the incipient racism of the time, Britches followed the path that many of the clownfolk did, farming marshmallows in Saskatchewan, last I heard.
Mr. Reece Bram (MSt) Asst. Professor teaching Advanced Understanding through Digging, an essential class in the field. Proud of his middle initial, "N", he claimed that it proved his Romanov family ties somehow, and that this whole job was actually beneath him. Found by a Soviet firing squad in 1932, and put to rest.

Standing (L-R):

Dr. Paramorfomébis "Perry" Péos (PhD) taught Minutae. A Greek immigrant, he came to Miskatonic for unknown reasons, and by unknown means. Oddly, I never actually saw him outside the classroom or in staff meetings, and it is possible that he couldn't exist away from the school. No idea as to his eventually whereabouts - not even sure where he was at the time...
Sir Agnes Smedely (M"S") You may have noticed that Smedely shares an incredibly similar name to the department head, and the similarities don't end there. He was caught as a squatter on Smedley's property, and attempting to marry his wife (she didn't seem to mind as much as did Dr. Smedley, and claimed that they could have been twins, as far as she could tell). He would visit Smedley's parents on holiday, especially after they passed on. He now chases the spirit of Sir Dr. Smedley in the Hereafter, but from a computer - and is still alive after 126 years!
Dr. Pustoy Pridurok (DMV) specialized in Non-Human Archaeology. He was very busy, digging in ancient cities of Reptilian Overlords, Grey Landing Bases, and Pet Cemeteries. Found in 1952 to be a Soviet spy, he was accused of selling Mystical Secrets to the Russians, which they found totally useless. Uniquely executed by hanging, electrocution, and firing squad simultaneously.
Yuri Selka Not really a professor, he was more like the department mascot. An interesting note: despite the name and the ears, Selka was not a Vulcan - there is no such thing, of course. Departmental speculation was that he was, perhaps, in part marmoset, due to his lack of thumbs and the habit of sucking the sap from the trees in the area. Selka was later arrested for bigamy, having married several lab animals concurrently. Upon his release, he disappeared, perhaps to Maine.
Dr. Ichabod Martinesque (PhD) Dr. Martinesque was discovered in a small South Indian village, tied to a stake in the hopes that he would attract alligators (which never happened, as alligators are not native to India). Brought to New England, he ended up teaching ParaArchaeology, the study of "Digging without Digging". The class mostly involved sitting in class with one's eyes closed, and thinking about archaeology. Martinesque and his common law bride eventually had a whole litter of children, who ate their parents before scattering into the nearby woods.
John "Steampunk Beatnik" LeMaitre (MPs) Two years before getting my PhD, I was a student teacher, and pretty much everyone's lackey. Primarily teaching Trivial Ideology and Opinionation, I was occasionally asked to fill in for other professors as well, which further educated and confused me. My mind still isn't quite right, I'm afraid. You'll notice that I'm not wearing my reading glasses in this photo, which is why I'm wearing my shoes on the opposite feet.

Not Pictured:

Dr. Joseph Besser (PhD) Dr. Besser was not at the school long; he only worked there for sixteen classes before being replaced by Dr. "Curly" Joseph DeRita. He was a whiny man, as I recall, and while certainly disputed school policy at times, was easily knocked down to size by administrators and their secretaries. Later wrote for the local paper a column titled I Could'a Been, in which he whined about all the things he never did. Depressing...

Interestingly, this photo from The Similia of 1910, the yearbook from the Hahnemann Medical College and Hospital of Philadelphia looks suspiciously similar - perhaps evidence of a parallel universe?: upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/96/Similia_-_the...
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Dates
  • Taken: Jan 1, 1910
  • Uploaded: May 12, 2018
  • Updated: Jun 27, 2023