It has been 2 weeks since my foster son River left me after 10 months together, and each day it is a little easier to breathe. But every moment of levity, every laugh or bit of joy, comes at the price of suffocating guilt. Every small happiness is a moment I'm not actively mourning him, and those moments feel like little betrayals.
How do you move forward after loss?
For me, it's the knowledge that I don't honor anyone with my guilt. I cannot live my life in service to unhappiness.
So each day I laugh. Each day I find a small joy that overrides some pain, and I let myself feel worthy of that joy...Worthy of the pain, too, because I was worthy of the love that caused it.
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