"Studying with Kafka". Franz Kafka's famous work "The Metamorphosis" is about a man who wakes to find himself turned into a giant beetle. In it, we consider the power of transformation. We see our own transformation one wrinkle at a time, but what if it happened overnight? Often, it does. Circumstances change, people leave, and if you're like me, you consider your own mortality an alarming amount. Sometimes I feel I change as often as the sun rises.

I'm 34 years old. My hair isn't gray yet. My skin isn't wrinkled. I see myself in three parts, all mingled: the way I was, the way I am, the way I will be. When my life ends, I'll be remembered as the culmination of all those moments. Minute transformations.
In this image: a circle to show the cycle of life. Beetles to represent transformation and mortality. A tulle dress and innocent braids to show the softness of youth. A beautiful portrait set against the grotesque.

Tags:   fine art photography beetles surrealism dark art surreal photography conceptual photography narrative photography dark portrait self portrait tulle dress red hair

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“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.”
― Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

It is incredibly true of transformation that it requires living through it to understand it. Only when we turn around and look back at our past can we see the whole picture. To be human is to crave knowledge and explanation, or at least a feeling of fullness. So, then, how painful metamorphosis becomes when we simultaneously seek to understand and are hidden from the truth of who we are becoming.

"...people did not understand his words any more, although they seemed clear enough to him, clearer than previously, perhaps because had gotten used to them”
― Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

In "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka, Gregor Samsa gets turned into a giant insect. Through that transformation he realizes that his detachment from the world was his detachment from himself. He finally recognizes his own internal language. No one else can understand him, but he becomes attuned to his own sound.

His transformation is the same as ours. Peace comes from being attuned to your [insert word/phrase here]: resonance, beat of your drum, philosophies, essence, soul...It is a kind of alchemy that fortifies your identity.

Stitch yourself with wings
if your only chance at flight
demands renewal.

"The Metamorphosis" self-portrait June 2021

Both this image and "Studying with Kafka" are available as limited edition prints. They are some of my favorites I have ever made and I'll be hanging them in my home side by side. Please inquire with my galleries to collect one or both. They are printed square format with the black border: www.brookeshaden.com/prints

Tags:   fine art fine art photography moth butterfly sew self portrait dark art dark photography surrealism transformation metamorphosis

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I've had night terrors for the past 8 years. They're common in kids, not so much in adults as less than 2% experience chronic terrors. A night terror is not a nightmare; it is an active state of full belief in a scary situation without being able to fully wake yourself from it. Mine manifest as insects all over my walls and ceiling, all over me, or sometimes giant flying bugs soaring toward my face. Recently I had one where I thought my bed was falling through the floor. I experience a night terror once a night, sometimes more. I wake up screaming and typically jump from bed full of adrenaline and run from the thing I think I'm seeing.

I read that night terrors in adults are very frequently linked with trauma. My night terrors escalated to a chronic degree after we took in Jude, our first foster child. They've continued to increase for the past 1.5 years since then.

Upon rediscovering my collection of dead bugs, I made this image in part about that experience. The plastic as a sign of feeling trapped, the bugs as my
rogue imagination, the nightgown a sign of sleep.

I've never slept well in my life. I wake on average 30 times per night, have had nightmares almost nightly as far back as I can remember, and never wake up feeling good. It's a good thing my mind is so excited about life even if my body rarely feels up to the task. I wake up each day eager to create, optimism unbridled, and that's what gets me out of bed in the morning. It feels good to come full circle with this piece that feels a little more connected to my real life.

Tags:   fine art photography conceptual photography storytelling dark art dark photography beetles nightgown plastic dark portraiture self portrait

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This series has been amazing to create. Unexpected, too. It started as an experiment that captured my imagination. Circular format, elegant portraiture, dark twist. I've never done something like that before.

It didn't start out as a series, but it is now. "Night Terrors" is all about the things that sit heavy with us in the dark.

This one was created thanks to my neighbor who regularly drops off bones that she finds at my house. Gotta love a good, weird neighbor :D

Tags:   fine art fine art portraiture skull bones dark art dark photography surrealism self portrait monochrome sepia sony alpha sony alpha female

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“Hearts Live By Being Wounded”
― Oscar Wilde

I know the pain of wanting and the pain of losing.
I think we all do. But -

With heart-ache, heart-ease.
With release, room for more.
With acceptance, room for exhalation.

I love this image, I love blood, I love hurt. I am macabre, absolutely. I love pain from that deepest part of oneself that can hardly be explained, can hardly even be pinned down. Like a dream, it dissolves the more I try to hold it still. Obsessively, I study darkness in a flawed attempt to cage it.

The pain of my wounds bubbles in me like a spell waiting to be cast.
Right now I'm waiting for a call to take in my next foster babe -
there's a lot of hurt in the waiting, a lot of memories unbidden and constant.

The teeth of my spine curve into a crooked, sharpened smile.
I have the backbone for this.

"Hearts Live by Being Wounded" self-portrait, July 2021
Available as a print + and part of the larger series, "Night Terrors", through: www.joanneartmangallery.com

“Stop treating your pain like it’s something you imagined. If you see the wound is real, then you can heal it.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom

Tags:   fine art fine art photography surrealism dark art dark photography blood saw pain skin self portrait

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