I think it’s fair to say my most recent cross-dressing session was built on different motivations to previous ones. I have become aware over the last few years, more so in recent weeks, that despite imagining I was fairly liberated in regard to my transvestism I was still exercising self suppression from my male self. By that I mean I was not entirely setting myself free to express my entire persona, the male still dominated. I think a combination of getting older, I’m now age 57, and awareness due to recent illness of my mortality has served to free up my outlook for the future.
While I admit I do not wish to transition and become a full time woman there most definitely exists a big part of me that is female. As I have lived as a male and have an established life as one I think fear of allowing the female side more freedom has restricted my occasional explorations into transvestism.
Let me be clear, I have no wish to jeopardise my relationship with my wife and family or lose my career, I do enjoy my male life but I also know I have this female aspect that really does need to exist now and again. Two weeks ago I had the delight of once more freeing up my female self and the whole experience produced quite a different emotional response from me.
I have no real idea how this occurred but I found it a lot easier, indeed I willingly embraced it, but transferring from male to female felt far more comfortable, far more satisfying, far more fulfilling and produced a real sense of peace than ever before. Something in my head made the transition a lot easier and on a more unconscious level than in the past. I believe this was all down to self acceptance and subconsciously removing the imposed barriers my male self held over me. The feeling of completeness and joy was pretty powerful and really took hold of me.
I was happy to have become a woman, indeed I felt I was one, how delusional! The truth is though I really felt I was finally female. I know deep down it is all temporary but the freedom this gave me and how my whole being responded to it was truly exhilarating. I would even go as far as to say, dramatic though it sounds, this was a turning point in my life. The woman within had finally emerged and I have resolved to spend more time as her in the future.
This picture was taken as a selfie on my phone camera using the in built self timer and though it is very casual and literally off the cuff I was incredibly happy. My hair and outfit are a bit untidy but I felt real and so incredibly alive!
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