© Leanne Boulton, All Rights Reserved
Some kind of landscape photography I think. Captured in April 2023 at Troon South Beach, Scotland.
There are 3 vital things that someone with severe CPTSD needs in order to function and heal.
1/ Consistency, predictability and routine.
2/ A place of safety and comfort
3/ Patience and compassion
Without these my trauma response is activated. I can't help that, it is physiological.
These needs have not been fully met for the past 2 years or so. Is it any wonder my symptoms have worsened? Now I am blamed for not healing fast enough. 25 years of abuse and PTSD cannot be fixed with 1 year of therapy and just one year of healing afterwards, least of all when those needs are not fully met. I didn't stand a chance.
Last night a friend from the past messaged me at a critical time. They chatted with me online for some 2 hours or more. They actually made me cry, smile and even laugh. It saved The Samaritans a call and that friend may have saved my life. The timing was impeccable.
The biggest threat to me is not having the 3 vital things. Without those I will spiral into hell. There is no chance I can heal without them. I just don't know where I can get them now. I can't do this alone and I will need actual in-person physical help as well. At my worst I am unable to even cook a meal or even answer the door. At times I could not even leave the house into the garden.
At my best there are little nuggets of the old 'Leanne' there. I just can't find her by myself. I am too ill to do it all alone now.
For the friend that contacted me last night. I am in their debt.
I am trying to post to Flickr and enjoy your photography to maintain routine. It has helped to hold me together for a long time. I am struggling to comment on other people's work or find 'happy' photographs to share. I hope I can get back there though.
In the meantime. Thank you for your understanding and caring. However remote, it does help. It does help.
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