© Leanne Boulton, All Rights Reserved
A sunset from April, with my 90th 'Stranger Portrait' subject taking a sunset photograph for herself next to her kayak.
I am sorry for being absent for a few days here on Flickr.
I was rushed into hospital on Friday with a suspected heart attack. I didn't suspect one myself because the symptoms, although almost entirely the same as a heart attack, are something that I have experienced 3 times before.
I was discharged yesterday after a clear echo cardiogram with the diagnosis of Recurrent Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. This is my 4th attack with my first being at the age of just 35.
Takotsubo Syndrome (also known as Stress Cardiomyopathy or Broken Heart Syndrome) has about the same fatality rate as a heart attack because it does cause an injury to the heart, although the mechanism is quite different. It is little understood but is caused by profound grief, emotional stress or physical stress that releases a surge of stress hormones that cause the left ventricle of the heart to swell and change shape and lose it's ability to work effectively.
All of my attacks have been preceded by profound grief and loss. Those of you following my recent tales will know that I have just been ditched by my partner of 20 years and I am facing homelessness, the loss of everything and will have to start my life from scratch, both materially and financially, at an age where I should be looking forward to winding my life down.
I now have to deal with all of this while trying to allow my heart to heal from the physical damage, knowing that there will never be a full 100% recovery and that there is no current treatment plan that can prevent a future attack.
I hate being a fringe medical case.
I am sad to say that while terrified, I almost wanted this attack to take me away from this cruel and painful world.
I am emotionally spent. I am mentally spent. I am physically spent.
I share this because I wear my heart on my sleeve, I always have. Such a shame that it keeps getting broken. Actually broken.
Thank you all in advance for any kind and warm wishes. I will get around to thanking you properly and catching up with your beautiful photography in time. I have to take it a little easy for a while though. It can take up to 2 months for the heart to 'recover' from this. I know all too well how it can cause a great deal of fatigue for a while.
Take care my Flickr friends. Be nice to one another in this crazy world.
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