I'll be the first to admit that my memory is not a lot better than that of the original UNIVAC. But since my TG epiphany 18 months ago, one recollection in particular has been resurfacing, and has given me a fresh perspective on my identity issues... perhaps they started earlier than I'd imagined.
I think I was 4 or 5 years old, standing at the bathroom sink and looking in the mirror, and I distinctly remember trying to look around another child staring back at me. That's when it hit me: that wasn't someone else, that was me. "Wait!" I thought. "That's not me. I can't be that ugly."
For years after that, I struggled with my physical appearance and how others perceived me. I was slight, and gawky, and constantly aware of my homeliness. And until now, I'd never thought that perhaps part of that was a manifestation of my dysphoria... but now I'm not so sure. I'd compartmentalized my feminine side so well for so long, that this possibility never occurred to me.
Since coming out, and in no small part to the wonderful communities on Flickr and Facebook, my perception has changed for the better. And most importantly, accepting my TGism has shown me that my old compartmentalized self had never demanded the respect and love that we all deserve. It's a powerful feeling, and long overdue.
Thank you all for showing me that the beautiful person I've always known was inside of me can manifest herself occasionally on the outside as well.
Kisses,
Amanda
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