Thailand - Land of Scares: The police man waves me to the roadside. He points to the basket of my rented Honda Dream motorcycle - I know immediately I am in deep trouble. Should I try to escape, somewhere in the small lanes of the riverside market area? Ridiculous, I'd crash in the first muddy pothole. Should I try to reach the highway towards Udon Thani? Absurd, with a 125 ccm. I see the police man has some more buddies in brown posted besides him on the pavement. They await me, their easy farang prey for lunch time.
I know the scam they are going to play now. I know it because right this morning i've read it on the net: "Thai policemen like to 'discover' illegal drugs in the basket of your motorbike. Just a very small package. They will take you to prison, if you cannot pay a fee of 1000 dollars." I have no 1000 dollars. So i know my future: detented to an appalling third world prison, gang-raped, aids-infected, left to rot until dead. I did nothing bad, i just have a knack for riding a rented moto-sai on Isaan's delightfully rocky tracks. Where, of course, an unscrupulous police can easily pick me off the road in the bright Isaan day light.
I steer the Honda to the pavement and stop. "My" policeman motions towards me. I am watching him in hi-res slow motion. Is he going to smuggle anything into the Honda basket? I can't see that he's planning something, but then - he points to the basket again! Maybe the drug package is somewhere already?
The policemen wears a timid shy smile, looks almost feared the way i do feel. What an actor, i know he is just calculating how many DVD-players, fridges full of whiskey and mistresses he can afford with my money. Two steps behind, his accomplices in brown fake a bored look.
Why did i ever come to the Land of Scams?
Again, he points to the Honda basket. With a helpless smile he then points to his head, and now he seems to point to my head. Is that polite for a Thai? Anyway, his acting is not consistent with the scam script i had read online. As of now, i am still on the moto-sai, not yet handcuffed nor mistreated, human rights situation well balanced so far. I follow his pointing to the Honda basket and have a closer look myself. But of course, down in the basket i only see the...
...oh no!!! Now i understand! As i flush and smile and start to giggle and to cry, my prospective torturer looks relieved and adds a few more watts to his own smile. Sure!!! Of course!!! Mai pen rai khrap-khrap-khrap!!! Out of the basket, i take the - HELMET - and squeeze it onto my head.
The policeman gives me an affirmative smile. Khrap! That's what he wanted me to do all the time: put on the helmet that had been lurking in the motorcycle basket all the time. I smile and nod good-bye. Mr Law And Order nods back and casually tips two fingers against his hat. He steps back in line with the other gentlemen in brown. I am free man again, i have a bright future worth looking out for. I could hug this conscientious police inspector doing his duty there in the torrent heat: After all, he has just saved me from third world prison, aids and financal bereavement.
I push the Honda back into the traffic flow.
Delightful Thailand - true Land of Smiles - here i come again. And guess what: today i come with helmet.
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