I often feel when I dress up as a woman that it feels so fabulous why be a man? Of course there is a lot more to being a woman than wearing dresses, high heels and makeup but it is an aspect of being female that appeals to me and I do my best to try a portray myself as female.
I simply adore casting off my masculinity and shaving my legs, painting on the makeup, all that gorgeous creamy lipstick and soft black eyeliner and the delight of coated lashes in luscious mascara...all followed by the thrilling tactile sensation of slipping into dress and high heels.
To be a transvestite is to experience a wonderful adventure of switching gender and I think most men who try this will be amazed by the exhilaration and high it can provide.
Of course I'm a man who loves, indeed desires, to spend time as a woman so I won't deny I find it fulfilling and emotionally intoxicating and also rather erotic. It is a truly sensual experience.
Helene x
Tags: transvestite crossdress t-girl transgender transsexual transexual t-gurl gurl drag transvestism transsexualism female impersonator female illusion male to female female impersonation tranny trannie trans queen glbt m2f m to f crossdressing crossdresser gender gay lesbian effeminate boy to girl acting performance wig makeup dressing up as a woman
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I have always admired women's clothing and their freedom to wear makeup and I adore the female form. All this may sound unsurprising for a man as many of us are attracted to women. The difference with me is I'm a man that enjoys trying to impersonate a woman,I enjoy the illusion of being female. I am a transvestite, one of many throughout the World.
I used to believe I was alone in my deep desire to dress as a woman and try to act the part of a female and I feared this desire greatly. In fact at times I loathed my self for it and was disgusted that I had such powerful emotive feelings to do this.
As a teenager I wanted to be a girl not a boy. It was confusing and crushing to be developing a male body and i felt the girl I desired to be that felt like the real me was denied her existence and the boy smothered her out of existence. I had a a few rare moments of cross-dressing as a teenager but I gave into my upbringing and the society I grew lived in here in Britain and suppressed my emotions and longing to be female.
Inevitably, one cannot really deny who they are forever and in a rather emotional and somewhat traumatic day I eventually broke my suppression and dressed up as a woman. It was a day of exhilaration and terror, of liberty and doubt, of genuine fear yet euphoria. It was actually too conflicting and too much to cope with but it was the start of the road to freedom and being honest with myself.
I have a wife and family and a job I really enjoy. I feared my desire to dress as a woman and imagine myself as a female may destroy all of this and it caused a lot of emotional conflict yet I knew I had to do this, I had to spend some time as a woman.
It has taken me over ten years to get comfortable with how I feel when I express my female self. I am fearful of it because I do like being a woman, I like it a lot, at times enough to want to never be male again. Of course reality reasserts itself and I do go back to being a man and I must admit I'm never unhappy about this despite being overwhelmed by the desire to be female forever only a few hours earlier. I've got used to this now and really revel in the power that emotion has upon me. I accept and I'm delighted to realise I'm a transvestite and I o get a thrill out of the dressing up and pretending I'm a female. I have a transsexual aspect to me but it was stronger when I was younger. I have to say the thrill of cross-dressing is very appealing and a big part of that is knowing when I appear with shaved legs, plucked eyebrows, wearing full makeup, false breasts, a skirt high heels and a wig I'm truly excited by it all because I know I'm really a man...confusing? Mad? Weird? Perverted? I've been accused of all of those. All I know is I enjoy dressing up and acting as if I am a woman.
I am self conscious and not confident at all about how I appear as my female alter ego. The strange thing is despite my misgivings and lack of confidence I know I am far more confident as a woman than I am as a man but overall I'm still not very confident. Confused? I can't really articulate this one but I feel I'm not the only one who encounters this scenario.
I think I missed my opportunity to become a woman when I was a young man. I should have undergone a transition in my late teens and I would have been more confident at living as a woman. As I am an occasional transvestite I feel like a girl who is still growing up and learning about herself.
I may be approaching my mid fifties now but I'm immature as a female in my head. My dream is to make my female alter ego blossom and be convincing as a female persona in her own right and that I ca completely inhabit my female self and be perceived without question as a woman. I regret I have no breasts and that I look like a man in a dress but despite my failure to appear as a woman I cannot deny the sheer joy and satisfaction I now experience from my few precious hours of dressing up as a woman.
I will never be a woman because my body and life are that of a man. Before anyone suggests I should just follow my dream and transition through surgery and hormones, let me say I now have thongs in my life that are more precious to me than my own lifelong desire. I prefer my current life which I share with my wife and family far more than my longing to be a female. I think becoming a transvestite was a rather wonderful compromise and it works, oh how it works! I love, I adore being a transvestite. I think getting to be my female persona only occasionally is actually more rewarding to me now as I cherish each of those occasions and hold onto the wonderful memories of them and the emotions and feelings they release and recall them for months, years afterward. It is truly a great thing to express your full persona and I regret the years I denied and fought these desires. If you're a transvestite, you're one for life. Don't waste time suppressing it, embrace it. I would urge that you do so without distressing or destroying those around you.
The day we first put on makeup and dress is a day that not only affects us individually it has consequences that ripple out and if you let them rule you and take you over your life can so easily be destroyed. The desire to dress as a woman is a desire that needs to be managed and done wit careful consideration which will limit how far you can take things. If you care for those around you then this compromise is essential I feel.
Helene x
Tags: transvestite crossdress tranny trannie t-girl t-gurl gurl transgender transvestism transsexual transexual queen heterosexual glbt gay homosexual lesbian hetro hetero trans m to f male to female female illusion female impersonator
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In my dream of passing realistically as a woman I find choosing casual styles can really help with the illusion. i do enjoy the tighter fit of female t-shirts and figure hugging jeans and love to spend time in such clothing. It is always exciting to dress this way and be wearing make up, a wig and to have breasts, I love being a woman.
Tags: transvestite crossdress t-girl tranny transgender transsexual transexual gurl drag female impersonator female impersonation male to female female illusion
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I am a male to female transvestite and enjoy the challenge of attempting a portrayal of a woman.
I particularly love the look of tailored woman's suits partnered with smart high heel court shoes and tailored shirts. I enjoyed preparing for this cross-dressing session, particularly shaving my legs and chest and applying the make up. Dressing in the outfit was just a gorgeous moment.
31 May 2007
Tags: transvestite crossdress t-girl tranny gurl transgender transsexual transexual 'female impersonator' 'male
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This morning I find myself in an introspective mood and as I so often do, thinking about my transvestism. I think it is fair to say in my own case I find my transgender side moves in circles. By that I mean my thoughts and desires in regard to my cross-dressing as a woman can feel very certain and I believe in them yet they fade and move onto other certainties. These can at times conflict with each other and add to my confusion.
That paragraph itself may lead to confusion after reading it so let me try and explain what occurs. My situation is I am transgender however, I live full time as a man as my birth certificate and my body state very clearly I am male. A lot of the time I am okay with being male and I have typical male traits and male desires and I’m not uncomfortable with it. Despite knowing that and recognising that is how I feel most of the time I have an aspect that causes inner conflict yet has the potential to bring me such inner joy and emotional reward it causes me to doubt my male life. That aspect is a strong desire to be female.
This desire to be female is at odds with my male self but it exists very powerfully within me. I will freely admit there are times I yearn for breasts and female genitals; this is not a man’s normal reaction to his body! Seeing my flat chest, male genitalia and hairy body can cause me upset.
The obvious conclusion if one were to believe that life is simply black and white is I want to be female so I must be a transsexual. Am I transsexual? I believe I am but not completely. I’ve just moved from a black and white world into an area of grey!
The grey exists, nothing is black and white, the feelings manifest themselves in too many and at times paradoxical ways. I am aware a times I desire to be a woman one hundred percent, to be male is distressing. At times I also am very content to be male and so the paradox is exposed. How can I want to be both woman and man? All I know is that’s exactly what I want.
My narratives that accompany my Flickr photo posts are my outlet for self expression as I am a secret transvestite and I rarely get an opportunity to communicate with other transgender people so I open up in my stream of consciousness thoughts in my narratives. I am aware these narratives are an indulgence and I’m frequently told how dull and turgid they are but I continue as I really do need that outlet for my own sake; nobody has to read them. I’m always surprised my pictures even get looked at as I have to yet to take one I feel captures the woman I like to try and become.
Should anyone have read my previous photo narratives or listened to my video musings they will maybe notice I do contradict myself rather a lot. I wanted to expose this as I think it surely must be a scenario others who cross-dress may encounter?
Besides the big one I regularly encounter, that of I’m okay as a man yet at times I’m not and desire to be a woman forever, I acknowledge sometimes the cross-dressing has different motivations. I do call myself a transvestite as I am only dressing up as a woman, I am not transitioning full time. I do at times want to but I have far more I enjoy in my current life to embark on such a journey. Also, certain things bring me down to earth. There are other factors at play that influence my choices on my transsexual aspects. I do think one has to really be as realistic as possible in their decision making and endeavour to take a long term view and weigh things up. I am fairly certain left to my own devices I would be consumed by my desire to be a female and embrace it. However, I know that is fantasy as I simply do not have what it takes to be that woman. I lack the physicality to pass as a woman in the real world. I am fortunate I am not very tall (1.7 meters in height) but I have large hands for my size and large feet as well, both impact on my confidence to look realistic as a woman. My voice, despite trying to work on it is a failure, it’s not that masculine but it’s definitely not female sounding. My movements, again despite my best efforts, are male, it’s all very distressing to me to fail in these attributes that create the perception one is female. I am still far too obviously a man in a dress, I will never be perceived as a woman, that is crushing to realise.
Perhaps one of the biggest reasons I would never transition is I am a bald headed male and I require a wig when I cross-dress. The prospect of having to wear a wig for everyday of my life is so utterly dreadful it keeps the lid on my desire to be a full time woman.
Another factor in not wanting to transition is I enjoy the transvestism. I love knowing I’m a man dressing up and trying to create the illusion of being a woman. I also like performance and acting and it appeals me to engage in female impersonation, it is a huge and exciting thrill. At times this is stronger than my transsexual feelings! I love the idea of one day actually passing convincingly as a woman and men believe I am female. It would be a true thrill and adventure to carry off this portrayal and they never realise I am a man. It may involve having to respond as a woman towards a man but that’s all part of the fun and the acting challenge. Imagine a man wants to kiss you because he desires you as a woman, to go through with the kiss is at odds with my own sexuality but to be the woman I am presenting as could I respond convincingly as a female? I do often mull this scenario over and the adventure and daring in succeeding in the role overrides the sexuality of it, so maybe I would, I don’t really know. As a man the idea makes me feel a bit queasy but to know my female alter-ego is working is a powerful and exciting scenario to dare engage with.
The paradoxes continue with that one, how can you be a straight male yet dress up as a woman and act as if you are one? Reality is I do dress up as a woman but I’m not very experienced as a transvestite or an actor so I’ve yet to test myself out by remaining in character as Helene. As I mentioned I am not confident in my female portrayal so I doubt I’ll ever get out of the house.
I do love me-up and enjoy wearing it, it makes me feel amazing. I also love shaving my legs, chest and arms and being hairless and I genuinely adore plucking and shaping my eyebrows. Again, this is al a collision with my male self yet I feel a deep contentment after these physical alterations. I also love seeing dresses and high heel shoes and knowing I could actually wear them, not many men think that, cross-dressers though can maybe relate to that one.
I know for sure I love to be in full make-up, wig, painted nails, smooth hairless body, shaped eyebrows, perfumed, genitals tucked, breasts added and to wear a dress and the heels…it is such a magnificent, amazing and gorgeous feeling to attempt t pass oneself off as a woman. On a deep level I feel the real me is free but I won’t deny the male I am is thrilled by doing this and I can become sexually aroused by the experience. I am daring myself to throw away the man and become the woman. Unfortunately, despite a motivation to do this I fail to get there, the man still exerts control over me yet I’m desperate to get rid of him and let my female self take over for a few hours.
I would love, absolutely love to be a woman…but, do I really want to be a woman? I do get a real buzz from the illusion, pretending to be a woman and knowing I can return to being a man. I think for me transvestism is the best choice as I get to engage in my desires and it is an opportunity for self expression and freeing aspects of my persona I suppress. The truth is I am quite excited to call myself a transvestite, as a man it it feels really daring to be one yet it is driven at a deeper level by transsexualism that exists within me but tempered by the reality of knowing I can never truly be what I desire. I ant to enjoy myself as Helene and I want to push my abilities to free this aspect of myself and I want the freedom to exist as both man and woman, I want it all!
I will never have it all, my life is not just about me. I have responsibilities to others whom I cherish, I need to remain grounded and not let my own wishes dominate and consume me. It will be 2016 tomorrow, a new year that offers me very little prospect of spending time as Helene as other factors affecting my family, health and work take priority. If all goes well I have a emote possibility of becoming Helene once more in November. Just thinking about that brings a smile to my face and already the anticipation is quietly generating excitement within me.
Happy New Year!
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