A quick selfie from literally a few minutes ago. I am finally able to cross-dress after pretty much three years. Loving it!

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This one of my numerous selfies, oh how I love being woman!

This week has been the first time I have been able to cross-dress for a lengthy period. It marks three years since I had my last opportunity. I did manage a very brief and somewhat hurried session in late November last year and that was my first time in two and half years. I see this week as a proper effort and an opportunity for new experiences.

I have enough vanity these days when I cross-dress to indulge in taking a lot of selfies of myself. Yesterday I planed to record some new musings on video about my cross-dressing . As I planed to appear on camera I wanted slightly more dramatic look to my make-up, especially my eyes. I wore lots of eye shadow. eyeliner and mascara…it felt fabulous and really affected my mood in a positive way.

As it was a week to indulge my girlie side I treated myself to hiring a make-up artist to do my make-up and hair for the filming. The lovely Sandra Cormack of SC Makeup Artistry based in Dundee Scotland did my make-up and hair and encouraged me throughout the day.

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It’s been an interesting week for me in regard to my cross-dressing. I have always lacked confidence in with my attempts to create a female appearance and if I’m honest, always felt I failed in my efforts. I have always had genuine fear at the prospect of venturing out in public dressed as a woman. I am aware many cross-dressers do go out in public and in recent months I began to wonder if I too could perhaps do such a thing myself.

I will admit to a high degree of fear and nervousness about venturing out as my female alter-ego and always felt it was more comfortable for me to cross-dress in private and on my own. This week though I found myself driving dressed as a woman with a female friend and before I knew she suggested we stopped in a village square and that I go and buy something in a local shop….scream! Nooooo!

Somehow I found myself out of the car and wham…there I was out in public as a woman!

The sky caved in, people stated, the ground needed to open up and swallow me….no, no, no!

Actually, it was all nothing like I expected, nobody gawped, nobody sniggered, people smiled politely and passed by without any second glances. Helene was suddenly existing in the real world, I was rather stunned after decades of fearing doing this.

I did go into the local supermarket and buy something and headed for the checkout and paid, all as Helene then I was back outside…I had made it, my first experience in public as a woman.

My female friend filmed the whole thing so I have a video record of it, I can still hardly believe I actually did it, but the video exists to remind me I did. We filmed in the car on the way where I talked about my terror about what we were about to do and I will admit I fully intended to stay in the car once we pulled up in the village square. I amazed myself by actually getting out. I have to thank the lovely female friend really as she nudged me to ado it and gave me enough confidence to go for it.

So that was this weeks big surprise for me personally, I finally went out as a woman. There is of course now going to be further public outings, I have to say Idid feel nice being a woman out in public.

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Last Tuesday, 23 May 2017, represented a big change for me as a transvestite. I stepped out in public for the first time dressed as a woman. I won’t deny I felt very nervous about the whole thing and several times that day decided I was not going to do it. I have little confidence in my abilities to look female and it always gives me pause when I get a notion in my head to venture out en femme.

I am now age 58 and each passing year is another year lost to doing something as a cross-dresser I have often wondered about, that is, how it would feel to step out in make-up, wig, dress and heels? I suppose deep down I desperately desired to do this but my fear kept the potential experience in check. In short I had decided I would never know as it was never going to happen.

I met with a female friend last Tuesday and she decided we were going out. I allowed myself to be nudged along by her because part of me was super excited at the prospect. So we ended up in the car then on our way to a nearby supermarket.

When we arrived at the shop I was convinced I would stay in the car as I had enjoyed driving while dressed as a woman but no way was I doing anything further. Well, I had not reckoned on the encouragement of my lovely female friend and that day Helene Barclay existed as a woman out in the real world, I had finally done it!

I have no idea if any of this is of the remotest interest to anyone but we recorded the whole thing on video. After getting in the car we recorded my thoughts on what I was about to do and continued this on the drive to the shop. I want to be as honest as I possibly can be about all of this as I am sure my uncertainty, doubts and angst are similar to what other cross-dressers contemplating their first public experience as a woman must go through.

I think it is fair to say I was coaxed out of the car, this is captured in the video, I hope anyone facing a similar scenario with their transvestism can see that the doubt is all part of the build up. I wanted to admit that I was very nervous and that can be seen in the recording. After the coaxing I did step out of the car into the wide world as Helene, the woman I dreamed of being and, after I shut the car door…well, that will be shown in part two (now available here: flic.kr/p/VfAy83 )

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I know this is not really a good photo, in fact it is a still frame from a GoPro video camera. However, it is a special picture for me as the camera is not set to capture my most flattering angle, far from it. The reason it is special is more the time it was taken. This was my first time out in public dressed as a woman and it shows me I really did do it.

It had taken me a long time, I am now 58 years of age and there I was in make-up, wig, shaved legs, denim skirt, wedge heel sandals, cardigan, ear rings and painted nails in a supermarket paying for my items as Helene, the woman I like to become. For the 17 years I have been cross-dressing I had never dared venture into a public place and so seeing myself en femme searching my bag to pay the cashier, such an everyday scenario, is quite an emotional moment.

I posted a short build up video to me stepping out in public the other day flic.kr/p/V7xZgc which I wanted to show as it captures my nervous state before stepping out of the car. It is definitely quite a terrifying prospect and I did not want to diminish this aspect as I feel others must feel similar thoughts. I will post the follow up video of me out in a public place and inside the shop soon.

Being out in the real world dressed as a woman means one can be seen from lots of angles not just the ones I usually favour for my pictures, it was a whole new challenge for me and one I found rather exciting. This was it, I was in shop amongst people, I was no longer alone as Helene and I just hoped I looked like a woman from all angles, even the most unflattering such as this one. it is the ‘real moment’, if I can use that description, that I enjoyed rather than the vanity of how I appeared.

For me such a picture represents a huge progression with my transvestism. I now know I can venture out as a woman and to be honest, I am still on a real high having done it. it took me a long time but I am quietly looking forward to the next time.

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