It might seem strange to some but every time someone I love music-wise, dies, I feel like I go through the stages of loss and grief the way one does when someone dies that you are really close to and see every day. I think it's possibly because of the very nature of music itself and the way it shapes our experiences. It's like whenever I think of anything that has happened in my life, I remember the song I was listening to. In the reverse, I also remember what I was doing every time I heard each important song. So, in a way, music has left an indelible impression on me that has made me the person I am.

I had a few correspondences with Trish Keenan when she found my multiple exposure shots of her and liked them. She seemed really nice and appreciative. But, even more than that, I had a great deal of everyday moments with her that she'll never know about. That seems a little one sided but what I'm saying is that there would be whole days of my life that seemed more like blank pages if her music didn't exist.

Music is an immortal thing and I'm convinced that if the earth was destroyed by Daleks or Cybermen (actually, I fear the Weeping Angels far more), the music would still be around lingering. It's also part of the collective consciousness of everyone so when someone is lost, we are all a little lost because of it. In fact, I would say that reason would be the number one reason why the Earth should not be destroyed in the first place...we all have the potential to be better humans when people like Trish Keenan are a part of this world.

It's difficult to explain to someone why I'm feeling sad if they don't listen to music. It's not as if Trish Keenan and Broadcast were a mass consciousness cultural phenomenon. They weren't even as known in the states as they were in England. When Michael Jackson died, I felt pretty much like people were weeping in the streets and I wondered where these same folks were when I needed a hug a few weeks before that after Lee Hazlewood passed away. It just doesn't make sense to most people when you tell them that you've been crying because someone they haven't heard of died...and then you explain that they were in one of your favorite bands but you didn't really know them in real life and you look positively insane.

There should be a special kind of grief counseling for this and I'll tell you why...I don't think I am going to be able to cope when Neil Young and Leonard Cohen die and they probably will die before me. I might live long enough to have to cope with PJ Harvey, Nick Cave, Gruff Rhys, Damon Albarn, and Andrew Bird all passing before I do. It's enough to make me go completely mad. In a way, every year challenges me and taunts me..what can you take, girl? What's the stuff you're made of? I'll tell you one thing, more and more I don't think I'm made of anything remotely resembling titanium. I'm a shipwreck crappily constructed to resemble a human being but that's a fraud. This girl is out to sea and half the time, if a Kraken were to attack, I'd just let it happen.

Why should I feel so desperate and disconsolate? It's probably because I feel the loss of someone like Trish Keenan so incisively like something deeply throbbing and permeating my whole self. I think of all the music she would have made in her later life and I can't help wanting to hear it. I think of her creative soul and her lush ultra feminine voice, the way they made some of the pain of each day vanish a little. I think of how creative she was and how she recently started experimenting even more..how she could have come up with something even greater and world changing had she seen those years.

And I think that I have very little to look forward to in my lifetime besides pain and death. I think of how the best years are gone and how I'll have to come up with the strength to manage when each person I love, whether it be a family member, friend, or songwriter I listen to every day vanishes. I think of how dismal the Earth will be each time it happens, how there will be a giant hole where that person disappeared ripping through time and space.

I have trained myself to laugh at parties (I'm not a huge fan of them) and I am ok at pretending to be a functional person with a job and three healthy beautiful cats but inside I'm falling apart and am always sad. I'm discouraged that I'm not good enough to be a part of the world when so many that were good enough are gone. I'm hopeless about the future. I can't seem to live one whole year without someone I love passing away, whether it's Mark Linkous or Trish Keenan and slowly but surely I'm becoming completely convinced that the point in time will be coming when there are more that I love in heaven than on Earth. I fear that moment with my whole being but it is as real and finite to me as granite.

I have seen too much of this world even though I haven't traveled to see India or Japan or France or Sweden and what I've seen is the people I miss and I'll miss in the future, even if I'll never meet them in real life. It's this world that devastates me the most and it is unfortunately my daily reality.

We all have busy lives so I understand if you don't have a chance to read everything I wrote above. It's mostly depressing stuff I just needed to get anyhow. I think what I wrote can be summed up by listening to this song by Broadcast..."Oh How I Miss You"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbE0b_ff6fk

Tags:   Trish Keenan Broadcast Multiple Exposure When Beautiful Independent Musicians Pass Away Far Too Young

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This is actually a multiple exposure shot of Broadcast's Trish Keenan with some of the visuals used during her performance .In reality, Trish was actually standing to the side of the projections. Photos and review of the show here:

www.soundcheckmagazine.com/reviews/concert-reviews/1811-r...

All photos are copyrighted. Please do not use without permission.

www.myspace.com/broadcastuk

Tags:   Broadcast Bottom Lounge Electronic Trish Keenan British experimental band live concert indie music lastfm:event=1145575

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I've been thinking alot about Broadcast lately as I've been seeing some great recent photographs of Choir of Young Believers in London by Jason/Ace_Jace here: www.flickr.com/photos/acejace/sets/72157623168918767/

I really wanted to see Choir of Young Believers when they came to Chicago but it was the exact same time across the city from Broadcast and I had waited 5-6 years for Trish Keenan to return. I still feel so sad about missing Choir of Young Believers though.

Above is a multiple exposure of Trish Keenan with one of the visuals used in her recent performance. I hope you like it.


www.myspace.com/broadcastuk


***All photos are copyrighted. Please do not use without permission**

Tags:   Broadcast tulips music band experimental live concert multiple exposure visuals Bottom Lounge British Trish Keenan female monochrome black and white

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