In this video are a few questions I often ponder about my cross-dressing inter-cut with photos of myself as my female alter-ego Helene. I often wonder what other cross-dressers would answer? I am alone in asking these questions?

Tags:   transvestite crossdress t-girl transgender transsexual transexual t-gurl gurl drag transvestism transsexualism female impersonator female illusion male to female female impersonation tranny trannie trans queen drag queen ladyboy third sex glbt m2f m to f crossdressing crossdresser gender homosexual gay lesbian effeminate boy to girl acting performance wig makeup dressing up as a woman men who dress as women dressing up men dressed up dressing up

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I find my mood is one of keenness to free my inner female self. I actually have a rare opportunity to cross-dress right now but unfortunately I am feeling rather unwell and cannot go through with it as I feel quite wretched. I hope the illness will diminish as I do have a further opportunity later this week. I decided to try and distract myself and compile a short video montage using some of my still photos so I could hopefully enjoy the memories of the sheer delight I experience when I dress as a woman; so much nicer than being a man. I hope I can be forgiven for such a selfish indulgence.

Tags:   transvestite crossdress t-girl transgender transsexual transexual t-gurl gurl drag transvestism transsexualism female impersonator female illusion male to female female impersonation tranny trannie trans queen glbt m2f m to f crossdressing crossdresser gender gay lesbian effeminate boy to girl acting performance wig makeup dressing up as a woman

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I found this video I made back in late 2010 after visiting professional makeup artist Sandra Cormack in Dundee, Scotland. I had hired Sandra for one to one tuition in order to learn proper makeup technique and direction for when I cross-dressed as I am keen to hopefully one day pass as a woman.

I had been working on some motion graphics that day and during my lunch break I was in the mood to try and do something using graphics with the recent photos from the makeover tutorial. This video I came up with is so self indulgent I should really be ashamed of myself for such a blatant display of vanity. All I can recall though is just how amazing I felt and how much adored being my female alter ego for a few hours.

I should also apologise as I did post this video back in 2010 but eventually deleted it as I felt it was too indulgent and of little interest to others, Tonight though I'm enthused by watching it as I'm going through a long period of no opportunities to cross-dress. My sense of anticipation is building rather nicely for my hoped for next session likely to be in November later this year.

Helene x

Tags:   transvestite crossdress t-girl transgender transsexual transexual t-gurl gurl drag transvestism transsexualism female impersonator female illusion male to female female impersonation tranny trannie trans queen glbt m2f m to f crossdressing crossdresser gender gay lesbian effeminate boy to girl acting performance wig makeup dressing up as a woman

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Hello

An unfortunate still frame for this video! I am not very good looking and Flickr picks a random frame from the first fifteen seconds and so compounds my lack of beauty as this one is not pretty!

I am re-posting this video. On its first outing it received about ten views over several months proving it held no interest whatsoever to anyone. So why am I re-posting it you may ask (assuming you are still reading this narrative)?

Well, despite being a poor video I d actually like the memory of the finally being able to express myself on a topic I had always debated with myself. It was rewarding to finally open up on camera about the thoughts I had.

It was quite late at night when I recorded this so I a definitely not looking good and I see the flaws in my makeup but the liberation was nice so the re-posting is a selfish indulgence. I do not expect it to be of interest this time either but I hope I can be forgiven for posting it for my own fulfillment. The mere act of actually putting on Flickr is something I still get a thrill from as I am very private with my cross-dressing so anytime I post on Flickr I feel somewhat reckless with my actions and fear ridicule. Yet, I still get a thrill from the adventure of going public.

I do attract negative, sometimes threatening responses to my videos and photo narratives but I know I need this outlet...I really do need it...so I persist in inflicting my indulgences on Flickr groups. The positive responses are encouraging and I am always grateful for those kind gestures.

Helene x

Tags:   transvestite crossdress t-girl transgender transsexual transexual t-gurl gurl drag transvestism transsexualism female impersonator female illusion male to female female impersonation tranny trannie trans queen glbt m2f m to f crossdressing crossdresser gender gay lesbian effeminate boy to girl acting performance wig makeup dressing up as a woman

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Hello

Since October I've had very little opportunity to indulge in any transvestite activities whatsoever. By this I don't mean those rare and wonderful moments when I do actively engage in dressing up as a woman but I have not even had much opportunity to go on line and discuss the topic on forums or browse the pictures of other cross-dressers (an activity I always find positive and inspiring).

I am very keen to dress as a woman but as usual I have no opportunity to do so. I found I had a few hours alone today whilst monitoring a job that requires periodic attention and have at last managed to get on line for some Helene time. As a result I cannot resist the indulgence to post another video I made in October as Helene.

I am aware my pictures and videos are barely looked at with very low viewing numbers but I never really expect anyone to look at them anyway. I've always felt the reward was the sheer daring of actually posting a picture or video on a public forum such as Flickr or You Tube. I acknowledge the content of my images and videos is highly personal and offers no insight or interest to other transvestites but as a transvestite who so rarely gets to cross-dress the outlet is important to me personally.

If by chance you are actually reading this then the point I am trying to make is do not be concerned with being popular and avoid the expectation of high views or comments. If you do receive them then that is undeniably nice and a bit of a thrill but I know my pictures and videos are not very good so I never expect others to look at them. As I say the main thing is the personal reward of actually posting publicly. Don't feel disappointment if no-one looks. To have had the nerve and courage to post publicly is, I find, reward enough and brings a sense of achievement and satisfaction.

There are certain T-girls on Flickr and You Tube who always attract a lot of attention and I know some feel disappointed their own pictures do not achieve the same response. This is not something one should feel low about. It's just how it is in all social groups, not everyone is popular and there are always those who are. One should enjoy their own indulgence in cross-dressing and gain from the excitement and contentment it can bring. Posting the picture publicly is a memento to oneself and that I find is truly rewarding. Any views or comments are nice bonus but not something one should place to much emphasis upon.

I acknowledge some transvestites do desire a lot of attention and compliments but that's human and to be expected. Not all of us can look great as women despite our inner desire to look feminine when we cross-dress, we can only try our best and enjoy the experiences. The popular transvestites who do attract attention I personally find to be inspiring in making me try harder in my own meager efforts to look like a woman. They do actually push me to more self reward so I'm pleased they post their pictures.

I am trying to stress that self contentment is more important than popularity. The popular T-girls are fortunate as they physically can look female. As we are men it is difficult for us to look female but the achievements of those who are rightly popular with browsers can aid us to get the most from our own efforts by inspiring and firing our enthusiasm. It's all about enjoying yourself and pushing your boundaries. Flickr has at times been inspiring to me and always gives me renewed enthusiasm to try and improve in my own cross-dressing efforts. We can't all be popular and acknowledging this will lead to more reward and contentment.

Have a great 2012 - Helene x

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